Best way to introduce Depends to mother with dementia? (2025)

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AgreableOlive91 Asked January 3, 2025

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Moderate to late stage dementia. LO flooded bathroom overnight. She lives with me and I’m her full time caregiver. She is not incontinant but I need to lock the bathroom at night for her safety. Thought I would introduce Depends for overnight just in case. Any suggestions? Any better brand?

Adult Diapers Care Decisions Toileting

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Fawnby Jan 11, 2025

She may not even notice the difference. Don't mention it. You may not have to explain anything. IMO, we spend way too much time explaining things to our dementia LOs. We assume they remember what their regular underwear looks and feels like. They may not.

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Taarna Jan 11, 2025

Shut off the water. Get pretty incontinence underwear and hide her daytime underwear. I used waterproof mattress pads as incontinence pads for the bed when my hubby had prostate surgery.

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swmckeown76 Jan 11, 2025

FWIW, I just told my late husband that I bought him new gray underwear (they were Costco's brand of underwear like Depends) and hid his other ones. His neurologist also recommended I attach a male incontinence pad to the underwear. He adjusted to it since had no other choice.

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chickenlittle2 Jan 10, 2025

Always for sensitive skin is much nicer and less abrasive on the skin.

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Llamalover47 Jan 8, 2025

AgreableOlive91: Let there be no choice in the matter by removing underpants and adding Depends.

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my2cents Jan 8, 2025

Find the pull up type of diaper so it will seem more like putting on underwear

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roadtrip54 Jan 3, 2025

My family member with dementia uses Tena Pro skin fully breathable underwear and she likes them. They have different absorbencies, she uses the Extra. I like them because they are comfortable for her, and I can tear the sides easily when she needs a change.

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endofrope007 Jan 3, 2025

You could just cut the water off in the bathroom at night. That leaves one flush. If you think Depends will solve the problem, replace her regular underwear, and don't forget underpads. Depends are pretty good but not leak proof. You'll need to deal with this eventually.

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AgreableOlive91 Jan 3, 2025

Thank you. Never thought of shutting water off for one flush! Bathroom alone at night has been a safety concern for a while.

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funkygrandma59 Jan 3, 2025

If your mother is not incontinent, I am with others on here and would recommend getting a bedside commode for her to use over night whereas you don't have to worry about her flooding the bathroom.
But if that isn't an option for some reason then by all means throw away all her cloth underwear and just replace them with her new underwear Depends or the like, and refer to them as her new underwear.

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AgreableOlive91 Jan 3, 2025

Bedside commode won’t work . Her dementia makes her roam around and she likes to move things and put things in odd places. She may use it to climb on to reach things in her room. She’s done that before with a chair she use to have in room. This disease is so unpredictable. I showed her the depends and told her they were just for nighttime and that she could wear her underwear over them if she likes. She agreed for just in case she leaks a little before I can get her to the bathroom. I’m hoping that tonight will go well.

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Grandma1954 Jan 3, 2025

I would remove all her normal underwear and have her use the disposable pull up type day and night.
Does she wear underwear at night? Some people don't and just ware their PJ's

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MissesJ Jan 9, 2025

100% agree.
Just get the “pretty” pull-up ones and tell her you got her all new panties as a gift if she asks (no need to bring it up!).

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Geaton777 Jan 3, 2025

Buy the disposables, throw out all her cloth undies and tell her these are "temporary" until you can buy more cloth undies for her.

Or, you can also opt to put a commode by her bed.

Or, purchase "adaptive" clothing (aka "anti-strip" clothing that people with dementia cannot remove without help).

My Mom and Aunt use TENA Sensitive Care Overnight and love them. amazon.com

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AlvaDeer Jan 3, 2025

I would remove all other underwear options. I would tell her these are leak proof. And to tell you the truth I think you will not have a problem with this. They are very well made now, not the kind of incontinence wear we had in the old days.

If you can find them, Always Discreet Boutique has some attractive patterned wear. You can merely explain them as disposable and leakproof. Come in different colors. There's a world of wear out there to explore. And getting a good fit is important. I have worn these for long plane trips when I, with my IBS, live in terror of a bad stomach and a full plane with two toilets. It gives me a sense of confidence that prevents mind-gut terror storms I might suffer without them. And honestly they aren't bad to wear at ALL.
I sure wouldn't look forward to the COST of them regularly. But what's the alternative when something is needed?

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MiaMoor Jan 8, 2025

My mum just wouldn't allow herself to wet her incontinence pants. She cried and got very distressed while waiting for help to use the commode, when she couldn't get out of bed on her own (towards the very end). I hope the OP's mum can get used to them.

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97yroldmom Jan 3, 2025

I suggest you get a bedside commode for overnight. This based on what you have written.
Or turn the valve off for the water.
Encouraging someone to be incontinent would be the last thing I would try.

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waytomisery Jan 3, 2025

The best way is normally to get rid of all their regular undies and replace with Depends ( for incontinence) . But since she isn’t incontinent and you only want to use them at night , see if she will wear them at night. Tell her “ just in case “.

How about trying a bedside commode , she can use at night ?

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